Free Pornhub Premium is the Valentine's Day gift the world sadly deserves

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Humanity isn't totally doomed, however, as trending searches last Valentine's Day weren't all for bottom-of-the-barrel filth - a surge in terms such as "love", "massage" and "spa" suggest a number of people thought the site could help it find a last-minute Groupon deal. But apart from tons of free content available on the website, non-premium users can access the ultimate next level porn (some even in 4k) on Pornhub today. The Pornhub premium traffic increased by a significant 308% on Valentine's Day. The United States, specifically, saw a 425 percent increase in Premium visits on February 14, 2017. Last year, it noted an uptick of over 300% in visitors to the site on the day, or roughly 3.5 million people - though the United Kingdom only managed a flaccid 138% spike.

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The tester is also never seen but Noah has what appears to be a heartrate monitor on his left arm and wires on his right fingers. Apparently, US President Donald Trump will be re-elected in 2020 and a person named Ilana Remikee will become president in 2030.

Having a little fun with the numbers, Pornhub's statisticians also looked at the website as a whole and put together a list of Valentine's-related searches on February 14. Apparently, a lot more people are searching for things like "valentine", "love", "romance", and "passionate" during the holiday. Esperanza Gomez came in second with a 247 percent increase in searches, followed by a 196 percent bump for Mia Khalifa.

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For more stats (or if you just want to use data as a classy excuse for visiting their site), check out more charts and graphs on Pornhub's insights page here. And, uh, happy Valentine's Day, everybody.

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